Break Free From Destructive Habits: If You’re Struggling in the Evenings With Binge Eating, Social Media Escapism, or Mindless Substance Use, This Is for You…
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Three years ago, and for many years prior, this is what my weekday evenings looked like…
The second I got home from a jam-packed day of school, work, and gym sessions I’d turn on The Real Housewives of whatever and rush into the shower. I couldn’t stand to be alone with my own thoughts so drowning it out with middle-aged women screaming at each other felt dramatic enough to fill the background noise of my evening.
The second I got into comfy clothes, I’d head to the kitchen to make my preplanned dinner. I’d cook while listening to The Housewives blaring from my phone.
Still feeling the go, go, go energy from my stressful day, I’d often pile a mountain of food on my plate before it was fully cooked because the anticipation to stuff away my day with food was more compelling than waiting for the pasta or rice to completely soften.
If I wasn’t home alone, I’d sneak my mountain of food into my room and lay on the floor on my stomach as I shoveled heaping spoonfuls into my mouth, barely chewing, not even tasting anything but the warmth and soothing action of taking in.
The instant my last bite went into my mouth, I was already standing up to see if anyone was in the kitchen before I went out to pile a massive second helping. Usually, I’d have to finish the whole pot of whatever I made or else I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it all night.
When ~probably~ 6 servings of dinner had completely vanished, I’d do my dishes and then grab some kind of chocolate and a jar of peanut butter to dip it in then rush it to my room, hoping none of my roommates “caught me”.
I’d have to eat until I decided to sleep, then I’d brush my teeth and get in bed to stop my compulsive behavior until the next evening.
If I wasn’t alone, I couldn’t trust myself to eat at all because I was afraid that my friends would be repulsed and start to see me as fat.
So on evenings when I’d get home and my roommates had friends over or were hanging out in the living room, I’d eat nothing and immediately start drinking alcohol to curb my hunger and look skinny, fun, and carefree.
The problem with this was that I was just as out of control with drinking as I was with eating.
I couldn’t stop once I started which resulted in all the destructive behavior you can imagine from someone who blacks out on alcohol.
I didn’t like living this way.
I didn’t consciously choose to hurt myself this way. I hated it the entire time and spent countless hours trying to convince myself that today would be the day that I stop.
After willpower failed me too many times to count, I accepted that I’d live with this shameful habit forever.
And this meant I’d have to fight my body to stay at an acceptable size while treating it terribly forever…
It breaks my heart to think about how much pain I was in, trying to stuff it all away. But no matter what I did it kept bubbling out in ways that felt so embarrassing.
If you relate to my experience in any way, I want you to know that nothing is wrong with you.
We are taught to live such stressful lives but never taught how to manage it all lovingly.
The stress needs release, and our vices take away the pain momentarily.
But there is a way to heal, without numbing, and without struggle.
By learning how to love and care for myself deeply, I learned how to listen to what my body was truly craving – underneath the immediate pull to numb with food, alcohol, gossip, sex, and social media escapism.
In this article, I will unpack exactly what I did to stop running from myself and instead learn to feel my emotions fully and trust that I can care for myself well through it all.
I have not struggled with binge eating, binge drinking, mindless scrolling, or attention-seeking behavior in over two years.
I feel safe and at home with myself and you can too. Here’s how…
Create an Evening Flow With Habit Stacking
Habit stacking is the act of pairing a daily habit with a new action you’d like to start doing regularly.
The concept of habit stacking has helped me replace old, damaging habits with new supportive practices.
So many of us turn to numbing activities like watching TV, eating, scrolling, or drinking because our brain has learned to associate those actions with a greenlight to “shut off”. After being on guard and immersed in stressful situations all day, your body is looking for the quickest way to rest.
But when you use those activities, you are not actually resting. You are dissociating. And not dealing with your emotions creates more problems for you in the future.
By choosing an activity that is truly restorative, your entire body can receive the message that you are safe to rest and heal after a busy day.
To break away from the harmful pattern of binge eating in the evenings, I created a new plan for myself that took me off the rushed autopilot and into an easeful rest state.
It looks like this:
Cook dinner with a cooking meditation or instrumental music playing in the background to remind me to be present with the experience of cooking (The Real Housewives had to go… And I honestly never missed them!)
Serve myself a large portion from the start (knowing that I have enough to feel fully nourished helps me move on instead of going back for seconds.) Before eating, store the rest of the food away in the fridge as leftovers for another day.
Sit and take 3 deep breaths, thanking my food for nourishing me before eating.
Try to eat slowly and savor each bite. Eating with my nondominant hand helps.
Here’s the habit stack: The second I finish my last bite, immediately move seats and start painting.
I leave my dirty dishes and paint for at least 10 minutes until I feel content.
Once I feel ready to clean up and prepare for bed, I stop, do my dishes, then shower, and get in bed with a book.
By pairing the habit of eating dinner with my new flow activity, painting, I effortlessly move on from the food and into a healthy wind-down practice.
Painting is powerful because I have to concentrate enough to keep me in the present moment, but it’s relaxing enough to stimulate rest and digestion.
I have never felt pulled back to the kitchen once I start painting, which is very different from the way you feel if you go straight to sitting on the couch to watch TV after dinner.
Painting stimulates your parasympathetic and allows you to comfortably check in with your body and mind.
Starting with paint-by-number is a fun and accessible way for anyone to try this. And if you absolutely love your TV time in the evenings, you can totally paint while you watch TV. But the action of doing something physical and creative while the TV is on will keep you from feeling like you need that ‘something sweet’, that evening cocktail, or the mindless scroll during the entire show.
If you aren’t open to painting, choose a healthy activity that you know you can jump straight into after finishing your daily tasks. Maybe it’s a walk around the block right after dinner or knitting or a Yin Yoga class… Just choose something low-stress and enjoyable.
Herbal Remedies
Another way to support yourself in the evenings, healthfully is to make herbal tea. Teas like chamomile, peppermint, dandelion root, and lavender are wonderful for winding down and supporting your body with rest and digestion.
I find that making tea right after dinner also helps me feel satisfied with my meal and it feels nice to have while I paint or read.
Creating a tea time ritual has been super supportive for my nervous system and helps me stay present.
Something about consuming herbs feels so healing, you no longer want that alcohol or dessert.
It’s a lot easier to sit still with your new healthy habit if you’re holding, sipping, and breathing in the soothing benefits of nature’s medicine.
Loose-leaf tea using herbs from your own garden or dried herbs from Mountain Rose is the best way to connect with nature’s healing power and avoid the plastic and chemicals in many disposable tea bags.
Prioritize Sleep
Most of us are a lot more sleep deprived than we think.
We’ve become used to running on empty so we forget what it feels like to get enough restorative sleep.
Sleep is your body’s time to detox all the stress, chemicals, and pathogens you’ve picked up or consumed throughout the day.
If you don’t give yourself adequate time for restoration, you are much more sensitive to these negative aspects of our daily lives. Being sleep deprived makes it more difficult to feel your body’s cues, meaning you will more readily reach for unhealthy habits, have sugar and fast-food cravings, and engage in argumentative, emotional conflicts with others.
We’ve been told that 7 hours of sleep is fine. Some high achievers say they sleep for only 4 hours. This teaches us to put sleep on the back burner while chasing financial success, pounding our bodies in the gym, and appearing to thrive socially.
The first ever sleep study performed on women shows that women should actually get more than the 7-8 hours of sleep men require for optimal well-being.
Over 8 hours of sleep may seem overwhelming because yes, it means you might not have time for all those exercise classes or social events. But by prioritizing sleep, your body will feel so much better so when you can move and socialize, you do so from a conscious place, creating more meaningful relationships with yourself and your loved ones.
If I could go back in time, all those evenings when I’d stay up late binge eating, drinking, or consuming media, I would put myself to bed to avoid a whole lot of unnecessary pain.
Once I learned this, I committed to getting into bed far earlier than I was used to.
I’m talking sometimes as early as 6pm. I know that sounds a little insane considering some families don’t eat dinner until much later, but you know how evenings go…
It’s only 6pm so you stay up doing random activities & watching your shows. Next thing you know it’s 11pm and you’re stressing out because you still haven’t finished your laundry or made time to read your new book.
Knowing this, when my workday is done and I’ve enjoyed a mindful dinner and wind-down activity, I’ll start getting ready for bed – even if it seems too early.
By showering, moisturizing, and brushing my teeth early I cozily cuddle into bed with a book to give myself time to truly relax, immersing my mind into a story, and signaling to my body that I’m safe to rest.
Usually, when I read I get tired pretty quickly, so I allow myself to sleep. If it’s only 7:30 and the sun isn’t fully down, I put on my eye mask to black it out.
I love early mornings so going to sleep between 7:30-8:00 means I can wake up at 5am and still have a lot of restorative rest.
If you don’t wake up that early, you can adjust your sleep time, but I encourage you to make it a lot earlier than you would think, especially if you are struggling with acne, inflammation, mental health challenges, or sugar cravings. Extra sleep is the best medicine for these symptoms, IMO.
Some people may worry that if you go to sleep early, you might not be able to sleep through the night.
To this, I would say just try it once.
We are all a lot more stressed than we think so most likely, you really do need all that rest and your body will feel the beautiful benefits when you wake up the next day.
3 Steps to an Improved Version of You
These small shifts in my evening routine have brought me so much healing in such a short time.
I never thought I’d be someone who was free from the suffering I felt trapped in for years. By adding these simple supports, my health, self-esteem, and relationships have never been better.
Planning an evening flow activity, enjoying an herbal tea ritual, and going to bed earlier can support you through all seasons of life. If you are usually alone in the evenings, it gives you a structure to enjoy time with yourself and cherish your evenings at home. If you have a partner or family, these practices are incredibly supportive for connection with others too.
I can enjoy my dinner while talking to my husband, then move on to painting while still connecting with him about our day. Sometimes he even joins me for “tea time” where we talk over a cup of tea before getting into bed.
If you’re deep in a pattern that you don't want, I promise, you do not have to live that way forever. By finding the little shifts that allow you to feel safe and supported in the evenings, you too can find relief.
For more lifestyle tips like these, download my ebook, 6 Pillars of Holistic Well-Being. This book is a comprehensive resource where I share my health journey in detail and give all the resources that have helped me maintain vitality.
🤍 Jaclyn
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