Exploring the Human Fascination with Painful Narratives: Themes from Good Morning, Monster
One thing I love is hearing people’s, raw, real personal stories.
There’s nothing else that makes me feel more alive and connected to our shared human experience.
As a personal development enthusiast, reading, Good Morning, Monster, by Catherine Gildiner was a real treat. The book highlights five incredible human stories as they work through their traumas in therapy.
As someone who’s fascinated by my own growth through therapy and personal work, I find a ton of value in learning from those whose lives are different from mine. The five stories shared in this book describe challenges I couldn’t imagine, yet they all persevere and find healing.
While reading this book, I noticed a few themes that, no matter what you’ve faced in life, most can relate to. When extremely painful stories are shared, they touch so many lives.
I don’t think this is only because people are sympathetic. Or because they love the drama and commotion that comes with traumatic experiences.
I believe that all humans share something more beautiful than that. We truly feel the feelings expressed in these stories, not because we’ve been through something similar, but because to be human is to know pain.
All humans experience pain, no one more painful than the next. Although looking at things objectively, I can say with confidence… My childhood was less horrific than the patients described in the book.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t know what my own worst pain feels like.
Today so many are at battle for the victim title. Everyone wants to be special, so having trauma, more extreme than the next person, does just that.
But there’s no point in winning “biggest victim”. My worst pain is just as painful for me as someone else’s worst pain is for them. We experience it the same.
This is why we feel so connected to traumatic stories because we do resonate with being human.
As I read, Good Morning, Monster, I couldn’t fathom some of the people’s actions, yet, I understood the feelings of being dismissed, taken advantage of, isolated, and ridiculed.
I also understand how painful and rewarding it is to express your shame, work through it in therapy, and come out the other side as a better version of yourself.
What Beliefs Do You Hold That Are Not Your Own?
Anyone who’s done healing work has come to a moment in their journey where they realize just how impactful our childhood was in creating some of the challenges we face as adults.
When you’ve always moved through the world a certain way it becomes your norm. You never stop to think about your actions. It’s always been automatic.
For Madeline, the fifth patient in Good Morning, Monster, she comes to a shocking realization when she begins to understand that she never could’ve been perfect enough to earn her mother’s love.
Madeline was always a people pleaser. She overachieved in everything she did. Stayed quiet and obedient to not bother anyone. And allowed people to treat her poorly. All because those were her tools as a child to try to please her mother and stay safe.
It takes a lot to realize that everything you’ve ever known is not accurate because a child will never go against their parent.
If you have a parent who is neglectful or behaves poorly, you get used to that behavior and create your own ways of coping with it.
It’s natural to trust your parent and desire their love. The strategies you used to stay safe within your family stay with you. When you interact with people in the world who have experienced life differently than you, it’s common to clash.
What thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors did you implement as a child to help you stay safe?
Analyzing your way of living and choosing what is helpful for the person you truly are can catapult you along your healing journey.
Our Parents Aren’t Perfect?
Many of the patients in Good Morning, Monster had to wrestle with the fact that their parents weren’t as normal as they once thought they were.
Whether you have loving supportive parents… or not, I think everyone eventually comes to a revelation when they first discover the truth about their parents. They were just young people trying to navigate the world and deal with their own traumas while raising us.
In this extreme case, Madeline learned that her mother’s traumatic childhood made her unable to parent or love her daughter. Madeline was a constant reminder to her mother of her childhood wounds and her failure as a mother.
Other examples from Good Morning, Monster are both Laura and Alana. They were so blinded by their love for their fathers that they couldn’t see how horribly they were treated.
Both were left without a mother at a young age and craved a loving parent. Without question, Laura stepped up and became the mother of the household while her father neglected her and her siblings. She went so far as to fully support herself and her younger siblings at just nine years old when their father left them alone in a cabin for months.
As a teen, when Laura heard her Dad and his new wife arguing, and then a loud bang, she immediately reacted by cleaning up and covering for her Dad’s murder.
She never once thought, “Dad, what’s wrong with you? You’re supposed to provide a safe, loving home for us.”
She just reacted as she always had, cleaning the blood from her Dad’s shirt and lying to the police, without anyone asking her to.
That had always been her role and children don’t question their parents.
When problems surfaced as an adult because of the way Laura was moving through the world, these memories and behaviors needed to be broken down and reworked.
Some of us finally see our parents as humans for the very first time once we reach the age they were when they had us or when we become parents ourselves and don’t feel equipped.
Instead of blaming your parents for all the mistakes they’ve made, recognize that they too are humans who experience pain. They may never have dealt with their trauma which causes them to behave in ways that don’t support their desire to connect in loving relationships.
In all five cases, Dr. Gildiner helps her patients navigate relationships with their parents as adults which does not always work out the way they’d prefer.
Your job is to set clear boundaries, then allow the other person to feel, think, and react as they do.
In Peter’s case, another patient highlighted in Good Morning, Monster, the boundary was set. If his mother criticized him in public, he’d immediately respond, “I will not stay and spend time with you when you criticize my life.” Then he’d leave.
After just one follow through on his promise, his mother changed her behavior because she wanted a relationship with her son.
Others don’t go so smoothly, like in Danny’s case. Danny tried to rekindle a relationship with his father, but his father was not willing to behave respectfully. Danny had to set the boundary to not see his father anymore because it only brought him pain.
Our parents are not the all-knowing, perfect humans we believed them to be as kids.
If you’re able to see them as human, ask questions to try to understand them as they are, and express and honor each other’s needs, a beautiful adult relationship can blossom.
Healing Is a Shared Experience
All of us have wounds to heal. All of us desire a happy life. All of us know pain. Life is a shared experience and healing requires support from others.
Brené Brown talks at length about shame. Shame rules so many people’s lives and keeps them small.
Shame tells you you’re the kind of person who can’t achieve and doesn’t deserve an enjoyable life. Shame forces you to live in fear of people finding out just how nasty you truly are. Shame sucks your self-worth and convinces you that no one could ever understand or love someone like you.
Shame’s kryptonite? Shame cannot survive being shared.
Shame doesn’t want you to know that all humans feel shameful at times. Shame doesn’t want you to know that you can find love and relief through honesty, vulnerability, and genuine human connection.
The stories shared in Good Morning, Monster are riveting. They stretch beyond horrific, into a realm no human should ever endure.
My heart sank, my mouth dropped open, and I gasped out loud while reading… Reactions that only phenomenal storytelling can bring out.
But beyond great storytelling, why did I have such a visceral reaction to these people whose lives look nothing like mine?
I mean… I never suffered such extreme abuse the way all five of them had.
Still, somehow I resonated with the feelings each of them shared.
To be human is to know pain.
And pain is our greatest teacher.
As humans, our shared experience of pain can be the catalyst for forming true relationships. There’s nothing more healing than feeling safe and seen within a relationship.
The therapist-patient dynamic described in this book is the perfect example of how a healthy relationship can become the model that you can use to build more meaningful relationships.
The relationships outlined in this book mirror my personal experience with therapy.
My therapist was the first person in my life who showed true interest in the motivations behind my behaviors, void of judgment and criticism.
Once trust was built, and my therapist pointed out repeated behaviors and made links to past traumas, I was able to see myself in a different light.
I could understand that I’m just a human, responding the only way I’ve learned how.
I’m not a freak who would be shunned from society if I ever shared my truth. The reactions and life choices that I’m not proud of are actually common.
Once a true relationship is built with a professional who can guide your healing, the patient can use what they’ve learned about curiosity, compassion, and looking through a different lens to go out and create healthy connections with others.
You can push beyond what we’ve been taught growing up about ‘never airing your dirty laundry’ or ‘not burdening others with your pain.’ Instead, you can form deep, loving relationships that feel safe to go beyond surface level.
Connecting with others on real human experiences, even those that don’t sound so nice and pleasant, allows us to truly feel alive.
Even if you’ve navigated your healing journey without a therapist, healing is not done alone.
Have you listened to podcasts or read books with therapists, experts, or someone sharing openly about their life that sparked that power inside of you?
Being present and feeling alive requires the full expression and processing of both pain and pleasure.
Finding the people in your life that you can trust to build a mutually expansive, deep relationship with is what life is all about.
Connect With Me
The reason I’m writing and sharing my experiences, perspectives, and personal development journey is because this is the way I’d love to see more people show up online.
Hearing people’s stories brings me home to myself and reminds me how beautiful it is to be alive.
Recently I shared my experience in my first career, in my book, Teachers Are Human Too.
In education, teachers are expected to perform miracles daily all while being treated like a human punching bag by many of their students.
They’re expected to deal with all problems privately. Their feelings are dismissed because the mission of helping children is more important than a teacher's happiness.
In my book, I share my overwhelm with:
Feeling underqualified starting my first career
Unexpected student behaviors
My personal traumas—including being robbed at gunpoint then jumping right back into teaching, pretending like nothing happened
Learning to love myself and fight for the life I deserve
I share openly in hopes of fostering this true human connection that brings so much love, beauty, and compassion to the world.
To read more about my story, visit:
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